Week 5 Recap
Haasinator5 finally won — by 0.90, over the commissioner. Trimeniscus in sept set the season high and is the last unbeaten team. This column went 2-for-5.
For four weeks Haasinator5 was the best winless team anyone had seen. He had outscored three teams with better records. He had given up the most points in the league. The wins, this column kept saying, would come.
One came by 0.90. Against the commissioner. Blake Corum scored 16.2 on Sean’s bench on Monday night.
Elsewhere: Trimeniscus in sept scored 176.14, the highest score of the season, and is now the only unbeaten team. alindeman scored 89.36 and started a receiver who was inactive. Every alarm this column raised turned out to be a real problem. Three of the five fixes it suggested were wrong, or ignored. And it went 2-for-5 on picks, including its third straight pick against Buscho.
The Matchups
All five, in order of how much they hurt.
The league’s only winless team wins by 0.90. The commissioner’s bench wins it by 7.30.
This column said Sean’s matchup would be mostly decided by Friday. It wasn’t, and that was the problem.
CeeDee Lamb caught 2 of 5 targets for 9 yards — 2.9 points — a week after 41.3. He bruised his quad and kept going in and out of the game. Dak Prescott added 14.64. Javonte Williams scored 14.2 for Haas in the same game. After Thursday, Sean led by 3.34 with his two best players already spent.
Then Sunday. Jaylen Warren: 101 rushing yards, 87 receiving yards, two touchdowns, 42.8 points — the best individual game in the league this week. Aaron Jones 18.7. Jameson Williams caught two passes, both touchdowns, for 18.7.
And the rest. T.J. Hockenson, the $7 tight end, caught one pass for 7 yards and left with a concussion: 1.7. Chris Olave 8.6. Quinshon Judkins, the back this column said should start, scored 8.0.
Monday night, Blake Corum scored 16.2 on the bench. Corum over Judkins wins the game by 7.30. Sean’s optimal lineup was 142.34. He left 13.30 points on the bench in a 0.90-point loss. Two weeks ago he lost by 0.44.
Haas didn’t play a clean game either. He left 15.90 points on his bench, the most in the league. He handled the DeVonta Smith alarm — Smith didn’t play — but filled the flex with Alvin Kamara, who had missed practice with a back injury. Kamara scored 2.6. Kyle Pitts, the fix this column named, scored 15.2 on the bench. Will Shipley left with a foot injury after 8.3.
He won anyway because of two players. Isaiah Likely, listed questionable Thursday: 11 catches, 94 yards, two touchdowns, 32.4 points. Jared Goff threw three touchdowns and ran in a fourth: 28.94. Jaxon Smith-Njigba added 22.8.
Haas is 1-4. Sean is 2-3 and fifth in scoring. Both left more than 13 points on the bench. One of them got away with it.
Haas’s first win — 0.90Chuck played the cleanest lineup in the league. Conte’s “leak” scored 33.4.
Credit first. Chuck filled the empty defense, and the Houston Texans scored 16. He lost by 16.40. Without the fix, he loses by 32.40.
He also left only 2.30 points on his bench, the fewest in the league. His 144.50 was the fourth-highest score of the week. He’s 1-4.
Puka Nacua caught 17 of 24 targets for 138 yards and a touchdown — 37.7 points on Monday night. Malik Nabers missed Wednesday practice with a sore knee, then caught 11 passes on 20 targets for 29.1. Joe Burrow 25.1. Braelon Allen 18.6.
The running backs sank him. David Montgomery scored 1.1 and left with a groin injury. Houston’s coach says he’ll miss some time. Kyle Monangai didn’t play, so Chuck added Tyler Allgeier, who scored 3.6. Two RB slots, 4.7 points.
Conte had the two best players in the game, as expected. Jahmyr Gibbs: 151 rushing yards, two touchdowns, 37.7 points. Josh Allen: 121 rushing yards, 31.5 points. Mike Evans played through the ribs and scored 26.3.
Then there was Parker Washington. This column called him the leak in Conte’s lineup and said Khalil Shakir should start. Washington caught 6 passes for 124 yards and two touchdowns: 33.4 points. Shakir scored 11.0 on the bench.
Conte still left 13.40 on his bench — MarShawn Lloyd 16.7, Malik Washington 12.1 — behind Jaylen Waddle (4.8) and Nico Collins (10.6). It didn’t matter. He’s 3-2 and third in scoring.
Gibbs 37.7, Nacua 37.7 — Washington 33.4The season high. Buscho is 5-0, and it isn’t luck.
Last Thursday this column wrote: “If he wins this one, it isn’t luck anymore.” He won by 39.48.
For two weeks Buscho had won while leaving 67.48 points on his bench. This week he started the right quarterback. Drake Maye threw for 374 yards and four touchdowns and ran in a fifth: 39.46 points. That is almost exactly the margin of victory. Bo Nix scored 7.92 on the bench.
Christian Watson: 6 catches, 143 yards, two touchdowns, 36.3. George Pickens 28.0 on Thursday night. Brock Bowers 23.0. Bijan Robinson had an off week by his standards and still scored 15.8.
The weak spots: Tee Higgins, limited all week with the adductor, scored 4.2. Jacory Croskey-Merritt scored 14.2 on the bench. Buscho left 10.00 points there. That’s his smallest number in three weeks.
Max didn’t play badly. Jayden Daniels, back from the elbow, ran for 103 yards and two touchdowns: 32.26. Matthew Golden caught 6 passes for 123 yards: 20.3. Kyren Williams 19.6. Zay Flowers played through the hamstring and scored 14.6.
But George Kittle scored 7.4 and Chase Brown 7.0, with J.K. Dobbins at 15.4 on the bench. Max’s optimal lineup was 145.06. It loses by 31.08.
Max still leads the league in points, by 12.34. He is two games behind the team that just beat him.
Highest score of the season — 176.14Louie made the best quarterback call of the week. The column’s upset pick never got close.
Louie’s big move wasn’t one this column flagged. He benched Tyler Shough for Matthew Stafford, who threw for 383 yards and three touchdowns on Monday night: 27.32. Shough threw for 96 yards and two interceptions against Minnesota: 1.84 on the bench. That’s a 25.48-point decision.
Then Bucky Irving, playing with a backup quarterback, ran for 165 yards and scored twice: 31.5. Justin Jefferson was back and scored 18.8. Drake London 18.8. D’Andre Swift missed practice and scored 17.3.
The flex is where this column owes Louie a correction. Dontayvion Wicks is gone from the roster, and RJ Harvey started in his place, as advised. Harvey ran 3 times for 7 yards: 0.7. Also on the bench: Tucker Kraft, 11.6, with Jake Ferguson at 4.9 starting at tight end. Last week it was the other way around. Louie left 11.30 on the bench and is 4-1.
Fudge Friends fixed last week’s mistake and got burned by it. Carnell Tate, 21.5 on the bench last week, started and caught 1 pass for 6 yards: 1.6. Deebo Samuel went down in the third quarter with a hamstring injury: 2.5. The Pittsburgh defense scored 1.
The rest was fine. Trevor Lawrence 24.24. Tyler Warren 21.4. Derrick Henry 21.0. Ja’Marr Chase cleared concussion protocol, started, and scored 20.7. DJ Moore didn’t play, and he was on the bench, so that one was handled.
Dallas Goedert scored 9.8 on the bench. The optimal lineup, 122.94, still loses by 18.58. For the first time in three weeks, Fudge Friends didn’t lose to their own bench. They just lost.
Stafford over Shough — a 25.48-point callTom benched Sadiq. Lindeman started a receiver who wasn’t active.
Tom took the advice. Kenyon Sadiq went to the bench, and Rhamondre Stevenson went in the flex: 17.5. Sadiq was ruled out with a concussion and scored 0.3. The pick was conditional — Tom if Sadiq sits — and it hit.
Everyone else showed up. Garrett Wilson 23.4. James Cook 22.8, with two touchdowns on Monday night. Davante Adams 22.1. Trey McBride broke a four-week slide with 21.6. Ollie Gordon II 14.8. Jalen Hurts, starting with Mahomes on bye, scored 14.5.
The one miss: Romeo Doubs started in the other flex and scored 2.6, with Mike Gesicki at 7.4 on the bench. Tom left 4.80 points there.
Lindeman had the low score of the week. Jordan Addison was inactive with the hamstring and scored 0.0 in a starting spot. This column flagged him Thursday. Keaton Mitchell, the suggested fix, scored 5.9 on the bench.
The rest of the lineup didn’t help. Jeremiyah Love ran 12 times for 22 yards: 2.2. Rome Odunze caught 3 of 9 targets with Tyson Bagent at quarterback and lost a fumble: 5.0. Dalton Kincaid, starting again, scored 3.7. Baltimore’s defense 7.
Sam LaPorta 19.8, Christian McCaffrey 17.3, Emeka Egbuka 17.2, Brock Purdy 17.16. That’s the whole offense.
The optimal lineup was 95.26. It loses by 54.04. Lindeman is 2-3 with 539.54 points, 73.08 behind the next-lowest team in the league.
Biggest blowout of the week — 59.94The Numbers
Week 5 scoring, top to bottom.
| Team | Score | Result |
|---|---|---|
| Trimeniscus in sept | 176.14 | W |
| ChrisConte47 | 160.90 | W |
| Tom DaBombadil | 149.30 | W |
| Burrow My Face in TDs | 144.50 | L |
| louieyu2000 | 141.52 | W |
| Champion of the Sun God | 136.66 | L |
| Haasinator5 | 129.94 | W |
| hodoryourhorses | 129.04 | L |
| Fudge Friends | 114.74 | L |
| alindeman | 89.36 | L |
High score
Trimeniscus in sept — 176.14, highest of the season
Low score
alindeman — 89.36
Closest margin
Haasinator5 over hodoryourhorses — 0.90
Biggest blowout
Tom DaBombadil over alindeman — 59.94
Best individual game
Jaylen Warren — 42.8, in a 0.90-point loss
Most left on the bench
Haasinator5 — 15.90, in a win
Standings
Through five weeks.
| # | Team | Record | Points |
|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Trimeniscus in sept | 5-0 | 731.30 |
| 2 | louieyu2000 | 4-1 | 683.26 |
| 3 | Champion of the Sun God | 3-2 | 743.64 |
| 4 | ChrisConte47 | 3-2 | 728.96 |
| 5 | Tom DaBombadil | 3-2 | 612.62 |
| 6 | hodoryourhorses | 2-3 | 665.94 |
| 7 | alindeman | 2-3 | 539.54 |
| 8 | Haasinator5 | 1-4 | 620.20 |
| 9 | Burrow My Face in TDs | 1-4 | 619.44 |
| 10 | Fudge Friends | 1-4 | 618.86 |
Trimeniscus in sept is the last unbeaten team and second in scoring. Champion of the Sun God still leads the league in points by 12.34 and is two games back. At the bottom, three teams are 1-4 and separated by 1.34 points over five weeks. And alindeman, at 2-3, has scored 73.08 fewer points than anyone else.
The Early Exits
Five starters in this league got hurt mid-game, plus four on benches. Statuses as reported Sunday and Monday; check practice reports before Thursday.
| Player | Status | Who it hits |
|---|---|---|
| T.J. Hockenson | Concussion — did not return | hodoryourhorses got 1.7, lost by 0.90 |
| CeeDee Lamb | Quad bruise Thursday — in and out of the game | hodoryourhorses got 2.9, lost by 0.90 |
| David Montgomery | Groin — downgraded to out; coach says he’ll miss some time | Burrow My Face in TDs got 1.1 |
| Deebo Samuel | Hamstring — ruled out in the third quarter | Fudge Friends got 2.5 |
| Will Shipley | Foot — did not return | Haasinator5 got 8.3 |
| Kenyon Sadiq | Concussion — ruled out | Tom DaBombadil, on the bench |
| KC Concepcion | Head injury — ruled out | Burrow My Face in TDs, on the bench |
| TreVeyon Henderson | Ankle — did not return | ChrisConte47, on the bench |
| Roman Wilson | Finger — did not return | hodoryourhorses, on the bench |
Also not playing in Week 5: Jordan Addison (alindeman, starting), DeVonta Smith and Saquon Barkley (Haasinator5), Kyle Monangai (Burrow My Face in TDs — turf toe, called week-to-week), Lamar Jackson and Stefon Diggs (Champion of the Sun God), Caleb Williams (alindeman), and DJ Moore (Fudge Friends). Only Addison was in a starting lineup.
Three Things We Learned
What Week 5 actually told us.
Buscho isn’t lucky
For two weeks the argument was that he kept winning in spite of his lineup. This week he set it right and scored 176.14, the season high. He’s 5-0 and second in points. This column has picked against him three straight weeks. It’s 0-3.
Finding the problem isn’t finding the fix
All five alarms were real. But the fixes that got used scored 0.7 (Harvey), 3.6 (Allgeier) and 2.6 (Kamara). The two that sat on benches, Pitts and Mitchell, scored 15.2 and 5.9.
Last place is a three-way race
Haasinator5, Burrow My Face in TDs, and Fudge Friends are all 1-4, separated by 1.34 points over five weeks. Chuck played the cleanest lineup in the league this week and still lost.
Preview Accountability
Week 5 picks went 2-for-5. Season total: 13-for-25.
| Matchup | Pick | Result |
|---|---|---|
| Champion of the Sun God vs. Trimeniscus in sept | Champion of the Sun God | Wrong — by 39.48 |
| Burrow My Face in TDs vs. ChrisConte47 | ChrisConte47 | Right — by 16.40 |
| hodoryourhorses vs. Haasinator5 | hodoryourhorses | Wrong — by 0.90 |
| Tom DaBombadil vs. alindeman | Tom DaBombadil (if Sadiq sits) | Right — Sadiq sat |
| Fudge Friends vs. louieyu2000 | Fudge Friends | Wrong — by 26.78 |
The Five Alarms
All five were real problems. Four of the five fixes were right. Two got used as written.
Empty defense (Burrow My Face in TDs): right. Chuck moved Houston in, and the Texans scored 16. The backup plan was not. If Monangai sat, the column said to start KC Concepcion or Brian Thomas Jr. in the flex. Monangai sat, and they scored 1.5 and 0.0. Chuck went his own way with Allgeier (3.6), which was better. He lost anyway.
Sadiq (Tom DaBombadil): right, all the way. Tom benched him, and Sadiq left with a concussion after scoring 0.3. Stevenson scored 17.5 in his spot.
Wicks (louieyu2000): right problem, wrong fix. Wicks is gone. The column’s replacement, RJ Harvey, scored 0.7. The reasoning rested on one week of Harvey at 19.3. That’s not enough. Louie won anyway, because of Stafford, a move the column never mentioned.
Addison (alindeman): right, and ignored. He was inactive and scored 0.0 in a starting spot. Mitchell scored 5.9 on the bench. It cost 5.9 in a 59.94-point loss, so it didn’t decide anything. It was still the easiest fix of the week.
DeVonta Smith (Haasinator5): right, half-followed. Smith didn’t play, and Haas benched him. But Haas used Kamara instead of Pitts, the one healthy option the column named. Pitts outscored Kamara by 12.6. Haas won by 0.90 anyway.
What the column got right
Every alarm. Sadiq as a risk, for the second straight week. Houston in the empty slot (16). Pitts as the fix (15.2, on a bench). Montgomery as a liability (1.1). Burrow as a steady starter (25.1). Allen and Gibbs as the best players in their game (69.2 combined). And the line about Buscho: if he won this one, it wasn’t luck anymore.
What it got wrong
Picking against Buscho for the third straight week — Maye scored 39.46 and the margin was 39.48. Parker Washington as Conte’s leak (33.4). Harvey over Wicks (0.7). Tate starting as the fix for Fudge Friends (1.6). Fudge Friends as the upset of the week, by 26.78. Calling Sean’s the cleanest lineup he’d set all season: Hockenson scored 1.7, Judkins 8.0, and Corum 16.2 on the bench. And picking the commissioner, by 0.90. That makes twice this season.